Comic Relief - Iraqi Style

When I was deployed to Iraq we used to post a stress relief / vent board on butcher block paper, called the top ten list:  It was hilarious and we used it as a joke board.  Anyone that has been deployed knows about KBR (Kellog Brown Root)
You can always tell when KBR has been working on the city's power grid, just look for the Fire Trucks (putting the fires out)
How many KBR does it take to screw in a light bulb?
15, - 1 to requisition the bulb, 13 to pull security and 1 to ask the Army to screw in the bulb
10, - 1 to do the paper work, 9 to stand around watching while the female medic screws in the bulb
99, - 98 to go from Ramadi to Bagdad and back to get the bulb, and 1 to ask the Navy on Ramadi for an extra one.
1, - just one?  Yes, one to ask the nearest soldier, airman or marine to do the job for them.
All kidding aside, the Independent Contractor does a good job over there.  They must, because we have been in Iraq so long :)
Seriously, I wish KBR had more of those monster generators, I could have used the Air Conditioning!
Yes, it was so hot over there.  How hot?
Hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk by 7 in the morning
Hot enough to fry your brain by 730 in the morning
Hot enough to watch water evaporate

Well, to be honest, there was more than just the heat to deal with over there.....  the dust was another thing altogether
When we would see the dust storms come in, we would lay bets on how much sand we got (similar to snow)  Speaking of snow, I always wondered when we would see the sand plows come through. 

People say that it got cold in Iraq, yep, it sure did, down to about 65 degrees one night.  The poor soldier almost got frost-bit on guard duty.  We even got to requisition heaters for when it got down in the 60's.  It was funny seeing people running around in cold weather gear when the temp dropped into the upper 60's, when we knew back home, that people went to the lake swimming and water skiing in that weather.

One day in Kuwait, my friend was talking to a British Soldier and "pissed" him off.  I asked what was said, and he told the Brit 2 jokes which I title, what not to say to a British Soldier: 
"I just heard about Lady Di, was it fatal?"

"What were the last 3 best things to leave the British Isles?"  (By this time, the British soldier had started to clean his Big Bowie Knife in anticipation of cutting something or someone)
"Beatles,  Prince Albert in a can, and the American Invasion Fleet for Normandy"
Needless to say, I still get emails from my favorite "Brit" asking how us Yanks are coping with the Rebels down south (at that time, I lived in Georgia)  HaHa, British Humor. 

Some funny stuff he sent me were these links though, you got to check them out.
Burn Outs
 Beach Landing Made Simple
Peanut Butter Jelly Time

I don't intend to put anyone down with these remarks, it is all clean, simple fun. 

Lions, "A lesson in Patience" -Underdog!

Well, with a 26 game losing streak, it's probably a done deal for the boys of "Detroit" that they will lose yet again in a record setting losing streak.  What makes the die-hard Michigan Fan stay with the Lions?  Is it their young, maturing defense, like Suh?  Is it their potentially lethal offense, like the wide receiver package?  Or is it just tradition?

I would contend that it's none of the above.  It's not name brand loyalty.  It's not tradition, although I have been watching Lion's games for about 34 years, since I was running around the house as a 3 yr old.  I would say that I like to watch them play as a lesson in patience and long suffering.  I'm not going to say that the "Ford Field" is my church, although the secular similarities are rather congruent.  I propose that everyone likes to watch an underdog struggle. (Underdog)  Everyone likes to watch the "Christians win over the Lions".  It's just too bad that our Lion's play more like the "Romans' Christians" in the Coliseum of old. 

Any way that people choose to look at it, I contend that the Lions are good entertainment.  Is that what Mr. Ford thinks then? I guess that Barry Sanders wasn't enough then, huh?

Send me you comments......

Special Thanks to my favorite Cartoon you-tube
80's and 70's memories
Classic Media Ltd.

Big Rapids Middle School

I tell you, the band at BRMS is really coming along.  My son, Jason is in 6th grade and just performed in the Middle School Band.  Check out the videos.  They are really just for the music, the video is grainy and hard to tell what is going on, but the music is awesome.  The 6th Graders really put on a show Thursday night.  Way to go BR!
Here are the links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URzsLfpjj44

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ32Pg9PqkI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi_Y9lG7gTU

Game Prototype Development

Well, it's official.  I have finally done it.  I am starting Phase two of my Prototype Game Board Design!  Thanks to all of my family and friends:
Carol Campbell
Steve Campbell
Denise Stingle
Fred Stingle
Jason Pion (My Son and Co-Developer)
Kenny Otto (x2)
Bruce Cool
Diane Cool
Friends of Ferris State U.
Professors of Ferris State U.
My Chemistry 103 Prof (you know who you are!)
Friends on Facebook
The "Alpha Testers"
God
without whom I would not have the strength nor the ability to imagine greater ideas to create a recreational tool for people who want more from a "chess game"
Stay tuned to my website for more details: http://robpion.webs.com/apps   

Song Lyrics and songs that I like

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2T0RpkyqUU
By Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young  Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

It's getting to the point
Where I'm no fun anymore
I am sorry
Sometimes it hurts so badly
I must cry out loud
I am lonely
I am yours, you are mine
You are what you are
And you make it hard.

Remember what we've said and done and felt
About each other
Oh babe, have mercy
Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now
I am not dreaming.
I am yours, you are mine
You are what you are
You make it hard.

Tearing yourself away from me now
You are free and I am crying
This does not mean I don't love you
I do, that's forever,
Yes and for always
I am yours, you are mine
You are what you are
You make it hard.

Something inside is telling me that
I've got your secret.
Are you still listening?
Fear is the lock, and laughter the key to your heart
And I love you.
I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are
You make it hard
And you make it hard (x 3).

Friday evening, Sunday in the afternoon
What have you got to lose?
Tuesday morning, please be gone I'm tired of you.
What have you got to lose?
Can I tell it like it is? (Help me I'm suffering)
Listen to me baby.
It's my heart that's a suffering (Help me I'm dying)
It's a dying, that's what I have to lose
I've got an answer
I'm going to fly away
What have I got to lose?
Will you come see me Thursdays and Saturdays?
What have you got to lose?

Chestnut brown canary
Ruby throated sparrow
Sing the song don't be long
Thrill me to the marrow.

Voices of the angels, ring around the moonlight
Asking me, said she's so free
How can you catch the sparrow?

Lacy, lilting, lyric, losing love, lamenting
Change my life, make it right
Be my lady.

Que linda me la traiga Cuba,
La reina de la Mar Caribe
Cielo sol no tiene sangre allí,
y que triste que no puedo vaya,
Oh va, oh va, va.

Translation:
(Oh, what beauty Cuba brings me,
The queen of the Caribbean Sea,
Sunny sky has no blood over there,
And how sad that I cannot go,
Oh go, oh go, go.)

Gumboots By Paul Simon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsZQayJiOUw

Lyrics:I was having this discussion in a taxi heading downtown rearranging my position on this friend of mine who'd had a little bit of a breakdown I said hey you know breakdowns come and breakdowns go so what are you gonna do about it,that's what I'd like to know

You don't feel you could love me but I feel you could

It was in the early morning hours when I fell into a phone call believing I had supernatural powers I slammed into a brick wall I said hey is this my problem is this my fault?if that's the way it's gonna be I'm gonna call the whole thing to a halt

You don't feel you could love me but I feel you could

I was walking down the street when I thought I heard this voice say say, ain't we walking down the same street together on the very same day?and I said hey senorita that's astute, I said why don't we get together and call ourselves an institute now?

You don't feel you could love me but I feel you could

I was having this discussion in a taxi headed downtown...


Speaking of Love, How about "Let my Love" Pete Townshend?
Lyrics:

When people keep repeating
that you'll never fall in love
when everybody keeps retreating
but you can't seem to get enough
Let my love open the door
let my love open the door
let my love open the door
to your heart
When everything feels all over
when everybody seems unkind
i bring you a four-leaf clover
take all the worry out of your mind
Let my love open the door
let my love open the door
let my love open the door
to your heart
I have the only key to your heart
i can stop you from falling apart
release yourself from misery
only one thing gonna set you free
it's my love
When tragedy befalls you
don't let it drag you down
love can cure your problems
don't forget i'm around
Let my love open the door
let my love open the door
let my love open the door
to your heart

Thanks for the Lyrics:
Taken from: 
 http://www.youtube.com/user/darkzone2727

Happy Thanksgiving To All

Happy Thanksgiving to all
And to all a good roast
Let your spirit stand tall
But take care not to boast

Remember where you came from
Don't forget who you are
For we know of just some
who we view from a far

Who don't have much time
To spend with loved ones
Whom view it a crime
And trust it as such

That they live far away
And must work very much
Who forget everyday
Why America is touched

So help them remember
America's greatness in all
In this month of November
Let's help them stand tall

Whom do I speak of?
Of whom do I call
It's those soldiers in battle
In a world torn to Hell

Let's all lift a toast
To the Red White and Blue
And pause to remember
Why they fight for you

So roast the Turkey
With Thanksgiving in our hearts
And be kind to Neighbors
For just a start

And when someone asks you
What Thanksgiving really is about
Help them by explaining
Of how others do without

We are the richest
It is so true
How God has blessed us
The Red, White and Blue

So let us remember the family of man

Not just this time of Thanks
That strive to live this world in
While never breaking ranks


Rob Pion
24 November, 2010

Our Tax Dollars Hard At Work

Why Michigan Should Have a Part Time Legislature

How often do we actually get to meet with our elected legislatures?  For that matter, how often do we see them work, other than on television when there is a publicity event scheduled by Lansing?  Following this questioning, how often do the elected people actually spend in a legislative session, and how much money do they spend during their time in office, in expenses, just to represent the people?  These questions are not asked enough to make a positive difference, or change in government.  People should be asking, more often, about what our legislature is doing, and how they are doing it, in regards to how they represent us, and how they spend our tax dollars.  Our state legislature is designed to represent all of the people of Michigan, and not just a few who’ve had their complaints make it all the way to Lansing. 

What really happens in Lansing is that you elect a person to represent your district or region, for full time work.  That means that they work about as much as primary or secondary education teachers, as it relates to sessions of congress.  They show up about 250-275 days a year.  They do work hard at getting the right people to endorse the right bill through the right method to go to the right committee, and this goes on and on, in the process to get a bill to go to the executive department.  You can see where this is going.  They arguably do work a full time job and therefore deserve a full time paycheck.  Our legislatures work at least five days a week, then go home to their constituents and loved ones on the weekends when congress is in session.

This is when, they argue, they have the time to meet with their people, only on the weekends and on the days that congress is not in session.  When congress is in session, our elected officials have an expense budget, so that they can get their offices to get things done, from everything to paperwork, to fine dining.  Imagine if you had an expense account to socialize, to get people to understand your job, because your boss really didn’t know what you did?  That is exactly what our congressmen and women do. 

They are also meeting with the big player constituents, interest groups as most people would call them, to receive favorable “charities”, to ensure that the big constituents can get a bill that nobody knows about, which very few people understand, passed into action as a bill to the executive department.  So, too define it, big interest groups meet with our representatives to ensure that our representatives pass bills that are favorable to big interest groups only. 

So, since the lawmakers are doing lunches, dinners and meetings to discuss bills, when do they really have time to talk to us regular folks?  Just on their time off, unless some unknown person is lucky enough to catch their congressman’s eye on a bill that needs to be passed anyway, or when they are running for re-election.  It really is difficult then, for our representatives to meet with us.  They have a lot of different things going on, because their priorities are not focused on us.  Shouldn’t their priorities be on us, the state budget, during these recessionary times, and not just the money, expenses and politics as a lifelong government bureaucrat? 

Well, what if they dedicated all of their time to meeting with us as individuals?  Would it be any better?  It could because we the people would have more of a say in how the state government would work, as far as where the tax dollars go, and from where we collect our tax dollars.  Do you realize that we, as in our government, just laid off over one thousand public safety (state police) officers?  Did we have much of a say in that?  Not really.  Granted, hard decisions had to be made.  But is there another way to do this?  I believe that there is another way.

Michigan state legislatures (as in both house and senate) should be placed on a part time job basis.  The main point is not because of the current economic recession that has brought Michigan to a standstill.  The State Government could save a lot of money and be more viable as a representative government over the long run.  It should be proposed that the legislatures work out of their offices and homes in their representing districts via online meetings and other social networking secure computer pathways.  It will make our government more efficient as it relates to; representing our people, time and money.

The concept of making our government more efficient; as it relates to representing our people, time and money is simple.  First, set up secure computer intranet connections throughout our congressman’s home and district office.  Next, pass a law that makes a congress meet on a part time basis, as needed (let the lawyers haggle over that concept).  Not full time, Monday through Friday, 5 days a week.  Let the congress figure out, but mandate that they meet 3-4 months, possibly throughout the summer, to meet face to face, and when they have a yearly budget to pass.  The rest of the time, they can meet in their little groups, on line. 

For instance, Joe Representative, from Detroit, can work out of his home and office, 2-4 days a week, for three weeks out of the month, for 4 months a year.  All he does is meet with constituents at either his home or office.  He also goes to Lansing for the summer term, and that’s all.  During his work time, at his Detroit office, he is meeting online in say, the senate budget appropriations committee, which has its’ own network on the internet government website, where he sits in on a two hour network meeting to discuss ways to kill “the fatted calve” or whatever they do in their bill subcommittee meetings.  They draft and clean up legislation for the summer, or for emergency hearings We can let the attorneys figure out how the computer people can do open and closed networking for the public internet, to allow the public to see the representatives on line or not..  The rest of his work week, he can spend, meeting with his constituents, hearing good news, and receiving criticism on how well “his” legislature does business for Michigan as a whole. 

Once the internet system is in place, and the representative’s staff is trained up, the government can function a lot smoother, more time, money and people efficient, the way that our founding fathers thought that it would.  We have all the “know how” needed to make this happen in our state.  This possible solution will give our representatives more time to listen to us, and less time to spend, currying favors from and to big special interest groups, giving us a more representative government, and one that’s more fiscally conservative as far as it relates to the expense of running a state government. 

If you think that this is not possible, because it would cost too much money, just ask your representative what his base salary is, what the cost of his/her healthcare is, what his yearly annual expense budget is like, and what the expense is, of operating Lansing for one continuous year.  Then, combine it by all the members of both houses of our state congress.  Sounds like a lot of money to most people, isn’t it?  It is a certainty that within a short period of time, the government could save that money back, or at least enough for the 1,000 police officers they let go.    When this part-time work, computer plan, can be a success, then people will be able to ask, more often, about what our legislature is doing, and how they are doing it, in regards to how they represent us, and how they spend our tax dollars.

My Clunker

I have a 1980 Ford F-100 Pickup Truck.  The owner I bought it from last year didn’t know how many miles it had on it, the odometer only goes up to 100,000.  It is so old; it’s only 7 years younger than me.  My truck is a real clunker.

I can tell that it’s a clunker when I look at the bald tires.  People say that you’re not supposed to see steel wire sticking out from the rubber of the tire.  The tires are probably the original tires that came with the truck.  When the truck drives down the road with the bald tires, the steel sticking out of the tires cut into the concrete and asphalt.  Anyone can tell where I parked it last, based on the chunks of asphalt and rotting tire rubber left behind.  The tires make it sway all over the place when I drive.  Speaking of the sway in the front, I know that the front shocks are bad, because when I hit a bump, it takes the truck a mile to stop bouncing.  My son says it’s like a carnival ride and he thinks we should take the neighbor kids for rides and charge them $5.00 a piece.  My truck is more like a big bumper car going down the road.  Not only does it sway side to side, it has no rear springs, so I feel every bump as it hits the pot holes.

Hitting the potholes is hard on my engine, because it leaks all over the place.  This must cause my engine to drink as much oil as it does gas.  It only gets 10 miles per gallon in gas as it is now! With the oil leaks, I can always tell where the truck was parked, because of the oil spots it leaves.  They aren’t really spots, more like small ponds.  The EPA and I are on a first name basis and Mobil Oil has given me a share in the company.  That’s not the only problem under the hood.

I replaced the starter for the truck that looked like it was last used during the Korean War.  There’s this thingamajig (that’s what my son says) called the solenoid.  It’s attached by a couple of old stripped out wires to the engine starter, which cranks the engine.  It works only when it wants to. Half the time I turn the engine over, it makes this dry coughing sound, like an emphysemic gasping for air.  The other half of the time I turn the engine over, it gets stuck. When it’s stuck, you hear this grinding sound.  That’s when the starter is still trying to crank the engine over even though the engine is already running.  It sounds like a trio of cats trying to meow the “Star Spangled Banner”.  My son who is very ingenious, came up with a solution “by accident”, when he hit the solenoid with a wrench.  It stopped running and now that solution works every time.

If starting the engine isn’t bad enough, there are things under the hood that would leave a Nascar Pit Crewman sick to his stomach.  My transmission slips a lot when I drive.  When it goes from park to drive, I cross my fingers and pray that the truck moves so I won’t be stuck in the middle of State Street on a busy Friday afternoon.  It leaks too.  Not enough to create a small pond, just enough to be comparable to a big mud puddle. I think I’m the only person with a 5 gallon can of transmission fluid in the bed of my truck.  What else could be wrong under the hood?

My engine belt is so old and worn, that it’s just strands away from breaking.  The engine belt is still somehow connected to the alternator. I guess my alternator is important for something, because my mechanic buddy told me that it’s charging my battery, so that it can run all the electrical stuff.

I don’t really need electrical stuff anyway; I don’t have anything electrical.  My wife reminds me of that every time she complains that the radio doesn’t work, but the headlights work, when they want to anyways.  There’s a trick to getting them to work, that my mechanic buddy calls ‘doing a manual reset’.  You turn on the light switch a couple of times, to get the lights to ‘think’ about coming on,  then you gently apply a downward pressure “tap” onto the truck hood, with a 2 by 4 piece of wood, which I keep in the truck bed for such occasions. This only takes about 10 to 15 good whacks.

As if the headlights weren’t bad enough, one side of my tail lights won’t light up.  My mechanic buddy compares the wiring problem to Christmas lights that won’t light up, when you go from one light to the next checking for bad bulbs.  Instead of broken bulbs, you check for breaks in it.  Instead of paying for a new wiring job that’s more expensive than the cost of the truck, I have learned to live with it, and the police tickets associated with it.  There are some things that work in the truck. The heater and defroster work, but only in the summer, and the air conditioner work (you guessed it), only in the winter!

The winter must have been hard on my truck over the past 30 years. The body is in sorry shape.  The door frames don’t shut all the way.  My son has to slam the door at least 3 times to close it.  Driving down US 131 with earmuffs on isn’t exactly my idea of cruising.  My wife tells me my son is hard of hearing, who can blame him though?  The inside of the doors are made of blue foam padding.  It flakes off, so every time you open or close the door from the inside, you get blue paint inside your finger nails.  People ask me all the time now if I paint my nails.  I’m okay about it, but I feel sorry for my son when they ask him about it.

Not only are the doors bad, but also the mirrors attached to them.  They are so loose, that they flop in the breeze, like dog’s ears, every time the truck goes down the road.  I know of some cars in Africa that are starving for mirrors.

It’s probably good that my mirrors don’t work too well, that way I can’t see the truck bed.  The kids in my apartment complex use it as their personal garbage dumpster.  On my first day back to college, I came out to start my truck in the morning and discovered a refrigerator in the bed of the truck.  I spent 3 hours dropping it off at the dump.  Because the tailgate is permanently stuck, I never did figure out how the refrigerator got in there. Speaking of the bed, my son says that the rust holes in it are so big; he can stick his head through it.  That allows us a good view of the twisted frame.  It’s so twisted though, that sometimes when the mirrors really do work driving down the road, we can see the bed leaning out into another traffic lane.  I’m tired of the Department of Transportation tickets for not having wide load signs.

I guess I’ll remember the red flags from now on.  I guess the whole truck was a red flag not to buy it.  Speaking of colors, I never got to mention the struggle I had with the paint job, which is (mostly) colored flat black.  It now looks more like a Dalmatian.  When I bought the paint, I had to buy it in the 10 gallon buckets, just to cover up the other light blue and white color paint, which was original, from 1980. The auto parts guy thought I was painting a warehouse.  I told him, no, just an F100 fixer upper Ford Pickup Truck.  He must have been empathetic because I got a bulk rate discount. 

Maybe I will look closer before I get another “fixer upper, Sanford and Son” pickup truck.  People have asked me why I didn’t try the Government’s “Cash for Clunkers” Program.   I already have, and the Government turned me down because my truck was “too clunky” for cash.